Friday, November 6, 2015

Coconut flour brownies recipe #glutenfree #paleo #eggless

Coconut Flour Brownies

  • 1/2 c coconut flour - (minus) 1 tbsp
  • 1/2 c cacao
  • 1/2 c butter + 2 tbsp (or coconut oil + salt)*
  • 1/2 c honey + 2 tbsp
  • 3 eggs**
  • Vanilla
  • Pecans or walnuts 
*My friend uses a whole  whole cup of coconut oil 

**I can't have eggs so here are some popular egg-less /vegan substitutes:

  • Baking Soda and Vinegar
    • This is a decent egg substitute for fluffier baked goods.
    • How much to use: Use 1 teaspoon of baking soda mixed with 1 tablespoon of white vinegar for 1 egg.
  • Banana
    • This adds lots of moisture and some extra sweetness in muffins and cakes, so you need to adjust the sugar amount in your recipe. 
    • How much to use: Different sources recommend anywhere from 1/2 to 1 mashed banana as a replacement for 1 egg.
  • Flax Egg

Throw 'er in the oven at 300 degrees for 28 mins

Cacao is NOT cocoa

Take a look at this wheatless site for more: 

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Zucchini Noodles with Avocado Sauce recipes #raw #paleo #Vegan #glutenfree

This recipe was recommended to me and I thought I would share it with you guys!

Zucchini Noodles with Avocado Sauce - Link to website here

This dish is Raw, Vegan, Gluten Free
Serves: 2

  • 1 zucchini
  • ⅓ cup water (85 ml)
  • 2 tbsp lemon juice
  • 1 avocado
  • 4 tbsp pine nuts
  • 1¼ cup basil (30 g)
  • 12 cherry tomatoes


  • You only need 5 ingredients to make the creamy avocado sauce: water, lemon juice, avocado, pine nuts and basil. Feel free to use other nuts instead of the pine nuts or any leafy green instead of the basil (spinach also works).
  • Make the zucchini noodles using a peeler or the Spiralizer.
  • Blend the rest of the ingredients (except the cherry tomatoes) in a blender until smooth.
  • In a large bowl, combine noodles, avocado sauce and cherry tomatoes.
Check the link about for more detailed instructions!

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Tuesday - I cheated and paid dearly. #Paleo Stories

There are so many words that come to mind that can describe my experience on Tuesday.

Here are some:

  • ·         Ironic
  • ·         Retribution
  • ·         'Pay back'
  • ·         Comeuppance
  • ·         Compensation
  • ·         Punishment
  • ·         Reckoning
  • ·         Reprisal
  • ·         Retaliation
  • ·         Revenge
  • ·         Vengeance
  • ·         Repayment
  • ·         Avengement
  • ·         Just desserts

(You're just going to have to deal with the double bullets because I have no patience to delete them all by hand and start again.)

To preface - I have no idea if this is a direct correlation TO cheating, or a sick twisted coincidence.

Like I said I was exhausted from Mon because of the stress of my car stuff and just leftover from the weekend and I didn’t sleep amazing. I was tired. All I wanted was a Tim Horton’s tea with milk. I thought, “there is no way a teaspoon of milk will do anything – I don’t even feel any different so what’s the point!?”.

Then there I was in line ordering the tea (with milk) when I saw my old manager in line behind me who reads this blog (hi John). I think I said something like “don’t tell anyone”. I went back to my desk and drank maybe half the tea (was a Medium) because I got busy and it got cold and I forgot about it. I felt pretty good about it and thought I could maybe start introducing dairy slowly back in.

Fast forward to lunch as because I am me, I am starving.

As I mentioned, because I didn’t make lunch this week I needed to buy lunch. My team wanted to go to this place I’ve been before called Sandwich Box (You can google health violations in any place here) where I couldn’t eat bread or cheese but instead got what I refer to as a green salad.

Here were the contents of said salad:
  • ·         Pieces of tuna fillet (not canned)
  • ·         Cucumbers
  • ·         Chick peas
  • ·         Green beans
  • ·         Peas
  • ·         Avocado
  • ·         Kale
  • ·         Cherry tomatoes
  • ·         Pumpkin seeds
  • ·         Balsamic vinaigrette

Came back to the office around 12:45-1pm. This salad was pretty large, and I was eating it for like 30m.

Around 1:45pm I started to feel weird. You know that feeling where you raise your head from what you’re doing and stare into space and think “wait, do I feel good?” I couldn’t decide if I was just having indigestion or if I was feeling quasi-nauseous.

Well at 2pm I figured out that, yes, I was in fact feeling 100% nauseous, and had this weird pain in my stomach like my guts hurt, or were twisted or something strange. It wasn’t just the feeling like I may throw up, but actual stomach pain which made it even more unbearable. I sat at my desk for about 10 minutes until I thought “Oh my god, I think I may actually throw up.”

I went to the bathroom, and sadly there are no ‘lounge’ areas in this bathroom (normally there is a couch or a chair in the ‘bathroom foyer’ that has a door to the stalls. So I went into the handicap stall and just sat there for a few minutes so I could rest my head in my hands without everyone asking me what’s wrong.

I’m in there for now for about 15 minutes, getting worse to the power every minute. I felt like I had to throw up but I couldn’t. So I was sweating and pale and looked like I was a vampire that stepped out of the Maid of the Mist ride. At this point I knew something was not right. I couldn’t hide in the bathroom anymore, because people were coming in and out of the bathroom thinking they were alone and let me tell you, women that think they’re alone in the bathroom is a whole story in itself. I heard things I shouldn’t have heard.

I went back to my desk, and told my team I felt ill, I took a Gravol from someone and was going to wait it out at my desk. Meanwhile this whole time I couldn’t move very well because every time I moved I thought I would throw up. And the pain in my gut was getting progressively worse. All I wanted to do was lie on the floor or lay somewhere.

Then I overheard someone talking about food, and my manager looked at me and asked if I was ok, and I said “nope” and I had to semi-run/briskly walk to the bathroom where I barely made it before what I can only describe as foaming green algae came right out of my mouth. Everything was green. It was gross. I’m sorry I am even telling you this. I didn’t even have time to close the stall that’s how close it was. I physically had to have my hand over my mouth while I walked into the bathroom. It was like the scene in ‘Stand By Me’ but just me.

Anyway I went home at 3, got home about 3:45pm and passed out until after 6pm. I felt much better but still groggy and unsettled.

I have no idea what happened, it was only once, and it never came back. Was it the milk? Was I being punished or cheating? I have no idea. Was it the fact I had so many green items in my salad? I don’t even know.

Anyway I won’t be cheating again until I’m alone at home with a bucket just in case.

Monday, November 2, 2015

One Week in - You'll never guess THIS happened

You fell for that clickbait you - I'm that asshole. I'm sorry.

Ok so as I told you, my Sunday / Monday was rough. I was frazzled and tired and rushed.

When I got home Monday I barely ate and just kind of fell asleep after some chicken and sweet potato.

So I get to work and am exhausted. Physically, emotionally, I was drained. I also had marked one week of my diet on Monday.

Until now my cravings were manageable (not including the pizza fiasco on Friday). In all honestly I thought I would be craving more. This is possibly because I ate a shit-ton (that could be a metric measurement) of M&Ms. I can't remember if I already told you the story of the M&Ms... I'll recount it anyway.

So my friend is in the states for work and texts me "Hey I'm coming back to Toronto, do you want me to bring you anything?" And I said "bring me back something fat people would like." Looking back now, I realize this is not the nicest thing I could have said, nor was it the most PC. I get back 3 bags of M&Ms. 

Wait I think I told this story already on Friday. Ok, moral of the story I have too many M&Ms and I was eating them all weekend. I convinced myself that chocolate is fine because of the minute amount of "dairy" in it. If it's not refrigerated then I don't count it as dairy.

So it's possible my cravings for at least chocolate/sweets were curved by doing this.

I should give an update now that I've already rambled and digressed and you're a captive audience:

I feel absolutely zero difference. I have cut back on candy/sugar probably 80%, completely cut out potato, rice, dairy (save for about a half a bag of M&Ms), and all wheat.

No results, not even weight loss. Which let me tell you is super, super, super discouraging that not only is my main sinusitis still active and as abhorrent as ever, but I don't even get a bonus side effect of weight loss?!

In fact, I've gained a pound in 7 days after fluctuating a pound here and there. They told me not to look at the scale daily and I did. This is the price I pay. tears into my disgusting diet breakfast.

After my car ordeal and I was back in Toronto, I stopped at Bulk Barn (bulk candy, seeds, kitchen grains, powders, dried foods etc. It's a Canadian gem) and got a bunch of things to make my life more bearable and less dramatic.

These things included:

  • Arrowroot powder
    • I'm assuming I can make those baby cookies but I didn't look into it extensively as you can tell. I think I just assuming this was wheat free. I don't even think I looked. Let me check. Ok just checked - it's actually what/gluten free made from a root and is wheat free.
  • Chocolate/pain whey protein
    • I realize I can't have this until my diet is over
  • Buckwheat flour/pancake mix
    • It's one of the only Gluten-free Grains I can have. It's gluten free since it's from a different botanical family than normal wheat. It's pretty popular wheat-alternative for pancakes and things
  • Couscous 
    • This is the only normal 'grain' I can have, and have no idea how to cook it or what to eat with it. Is it a grain? Is it a small pasta? I don't even know.
So I made Buckwheat pancakes and you know what...... They weren't bad. they weren't quite the same as flour but the texture was pretty close, minus the more whole wheat/brown wheat look to them. Honestly, with some syrup and margarine they were pretty good.

Sunday, November 1, 2015

I conquered The Mandarin

So I figure I will chunk up my updates from the past few days, I'm late, I get it, but wait until you hear all the dramz. (Attaching my blood test food results for reference and FYI)

So Sunday - My mother's bday. She loves Chinese food and wanted to go to the Mandarin. She knows I'm on this diet and I told her I can't eat anything there, and it's a buffet so not fair at all. She agreed.

So we compromised and went to the Mandarin.

Aside from spending like $600 this day (I bought these which I'm dying over), I got home and got my winter tires switched over. In Canada if you own a car you have to own winter tires (all season is not winter).

Fast Forward to the Mandarin. I never felt worse about myself in my life. I walked by spring rolls. SPRING ROLLS! My favourite roll. Basically everything is breaded or battered or pasteried. I wish I took a picture but my entire plate was meat and veggies. Worst buffet experience ever.

You should have seen me slinking to the dessert table and leaving empty handed. It was really sad, in the same type of way you go to wave to someone and they don't see you but everyone else does so you pretend to run your hand through your hair.

I did not cheat. Not ONCE! I haven't had bread in a week.

So unrelated, but I'm driving home and my car starts to shake violently as soon as I get on the highway. "What the actual fuck" I say aloud, numerous times. It felt like a giant was jackrabbiting my car. I had to pull over and call my pere.

"PERE! My car is undrivable, I'm on the side of the highway like an idiot (10:30pm)." Eventually I'm told to come back to my parents and stay the night to take my car to Toyota in the AM first thing and hope I can get in. 

I'm driving 80 on the highway, with visions of tires flying off my car. I joke now, but I was actually terrified my tires would fly off. I get home - no makeup (this upset me), no clothes, no toothbrushes or makeup remover or anything, no hair stuff. I am literally a vagrant.

I raid my poor mums bathroom cupboards and steal what I can. I then sleep on a mattress on bare wooden floorboards since my parents are replacing the carpet. I was just missing the bindle and the flaming oil barrel fire.

Anyway I stay over and try to use my mum's basic makeup to try to not look like an actual homeless person. But I digress. 

Took my car in, they figured out there were backwards lugnuts - got that fixed. Keep in mind I'm missing my job today - I had to work but had to work remote to take care of the car stuff. So I'm stressed, and frazzled, and hungry since my parents don't have anything I can eat. So all morning / afternoon I'm waiting for my car and the only thing I could have was an apple.

So I drive home and decide I am way too exhausted to cook or prepare lunches and think "I'm going to regret this tomorrow." .... little did I know I was right...

Saturday, October 31, 2015

I ate half a bag of M&M's and gained 2 pounds back

Turns out I shouldn't weigh myself before food ot water because I am now back at 125.

Any sense of optimism is gone.

I also ate half a bag of pecan pie M&M's and actual hate myself. Regret doing that.

The m&m's were good but not very pecan pie flavoured. They were much bigger than the Canadian version of m&ms.

Ugh I feel gross now. I will be watching halloween movies and probably eat the rest of this bag.

Pizza, my nemesis... we meet again

So yesterday was friday and I was worried about the weekend since I have no premade food anymore and I was going out. I also wore my storm trooper helmet at work which doubled as a interception device for food.

So one of the VP's was leaving the company and a bunch of people made plans to go out for his last day for lunch. They were going to a oven baked pizza place. Now that's bad enough to turn down, but I felt semi ok missing it since I had a meeting around the same time and i brought my lunch/lettuce. Ok so crisis averted.

So then there's an email from our VP saying "hey guys, happy Halloween Friday, we are ordering pizza for the entire department!". I died. So not only that, but when they brought it the entire floor smelled like pizza.

I actually convinced myself one piece wouldn't hurt. I literally told myself my diet sucked and wasn't working so why the fuck am I starving myself for no reason when they brought us free pizza. It was a fucking pizza halloween omen. I then practiced the willpower of Ghandi and ignored it EVEN WHEN THEY PUT THE PIZZA BY MY DESK.

So I go up to my meeting and I'm sitting in the VP's office and chilling and his EA pops in with a, I am not joking, dolly full of boxes of pizza, and goes "yo you guys want pizza?" AUGHH it's following me. The VP laughed since literally 5 min before I was explaining to him my pizza story and how amazing I am for turning it down. And he goes "get it away from Amanda!" Like I am some sort of crazed pizza maniac who will just snap at any moment.

I almost caved at least 5 times. His EA then brought me some Smarties and I promised myself I wouldn't eat chocolate. The whole meeting I stared at the box.

I went back to my desk and stared at the box. I was doing my job and staring at the box. My stomach was angry that day my friends. It was angry and empty and full of vengeance. Eventually I caved and ate the smarties. Then I raided the cauldron full of m&m's.

I had an almost instant sugar high. I hadn't eaten sugar for days and my body was like "what the whatttt". But then I decided I literally can't just give up everything cold turkey or I will fail. So I decided the milk in chocolate is almost non existent and at that point was it realy considered milk? I decided if it had to be refrigerated then I won't eat it.

So then I went for wings at Duffs which was awesome btw. Not that this is a life journal or anything because my life consists of playing Fable and the Witcher on like, actual back to back basis and sitting in my underwear watching Ghostbusters. This is a typical weekend/evening for me so there, Now I don't need a life blog. There you go, you voyeur.

Wings were unbreaded  (I asked) and I couldn't eat the dipping sauce. I could eat the sweet potato fries but when I asked if they were battered or had flour she looked at me like I was fucking shoving crayons up my nose and drooling. When they fry the fries sometimes they add shit to make them more crispy or whatever. It was a legit question. Anyway the answer is no, you asshole, they don't (my friend said that to me).

I watched them drink beer and it was hard but I managed with my water. The quote of the evening was "so how's the water here?". My friends are assholes. This is what happens when your crew drinks like, a ton and you don't.  So now I can't even go out with some of them because I will get a verbal slap abut how the water is here. I have to go into hiding to avoid thia next time. Thank god I'm not an alcoholic.

I came home full and happy (my friends baby was there, and the baby puked fucking everywhere so we took the cue and left as gracefully as one does when covered in curdled baby milk barf. It was the second time I was happy eating all week (first was bacon and sausage) and the first time I was full and satiated - cravings reset back to zero.

I woke up today still full/no cravings or hunger but a little weak.

I had a spoon full of peanut butter and a few squares of dark chocolate  (don't judge me, how dare you). I had a glass of coconut milk and my Chia seed water and it's 4pm and I'm not even hungry. I'm a little worried since it's the first time I'm not hungry.

Oh also I've been weighing myself ever day and somehow from yesterday to today the scale says I lost 2 pounds... I have no idea if those wings gave me worms of what or if my scale is apathetic to my plight but it took a sec for it to adjust and it's now 123.5 and I was 125.8 yesterday. I will retry tonight as I normally weigh myself around 6 or 630. But if that is true then my whole perspective will change on this diet. I also noticed my food gut isn't as disgusting and gross.

***Talking about bloating - please skip if you don't care abut my digestive issues***

Not that I recommend this but in your underwear put your leg up on a chair and pretend to shave your legs. (Ladies... just look next time you shave your legs), and when you're bending over normally our bellys do some weird folding or squishing due to fat and skin and whatever. Mine was significantly less even though I still look a little bloated when I stand sideways.

Is this because I'm not eating bread? Is this because I'm not eating... food? Is this because I'm eating too little and my body has gone into survival mode? Is this because I stilll am eating chocolate?  Is this because I just like to stare at myself abut and pretend there are issues nobody else sees? Is this because i love staring at myself? Is jis because i love asking lots of questions? Is this because I ove to self depricate? Maybe. But probably because I ate like shit for years.

So I'm interested to see the measurements. I will post them on Sunday now that it will have reched an official week on this thing.

Weirdly, right now I have no cravings for a cheeseburger party or pizza or whatever. And my friend brought me a bag of M&M's  with a resealable bag. I laughed when I saw that. Do they actually think people have actually need to reseal the bag? Like they won't just eat them all? Who reseals a bag of chocolate?? What possible reason would somebody have for not eating a small bag. Like I have no clue but it made me feel like a fat person.

Anyway, overall I'm not angry today, somewhat optimistic about the weight loss and I'm thinking the weekend isn't as bad as I thought it will be. The real test will be next week during lunches. What am I going to eat?! I sill have that fucking squash but every time I look at it I'm like "what the fuck do I do with you".