Friday, November 6, 2015

Coconut flour brownies recipe #glutenfree #paleo #eggless

Coconut Flour Brownies

  • 1/2 c coconut flour - (minus) 1 tbsp
  • 1/2 c cacao
  • 1/2 c butter + 2 tbsp (or coconut oil + salt)*
  • 1/2 c honey + 2 tbsp
  • 3 eggs**
  • Vanilla
  • Pecans or walnuts 
*My friend uses a whole  whole cup of coconut oil 

**I can't have eggs so here are some popular egg-less /vegan substitutes:

  • Baking Soda and Vinegar
    • This is a decent egg substitute for fluffier baked goods.
    • How much to use: Use 1 teaspoon of baking soda mixed with 1 tablespoon of white vinegar for 1 egg.
  • Banana
    • This adds lots of moisture and some extra sweetness in muffins and cakes, so you need to adjust the sugar amount in your recipe. 
    • How much to use: Different sources recommend anywhere from 1/2 to 1 mashed banana as a replacement for 1 egg.
  • Flax Egg

Throw 'er in the oven at 300 degrees for 28 mins

Cacao is NOT cocoa

Take a look at this wheatless site for more: 

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Zucchini Noodles with Avocado Sauce recipes #raw #paleo #Vegan #glutenfree

This recipe was recommended to me and I thought I would share it with you guys!

Zucchini Noodles with Avocado Sauce - Link to website here

This dish is Raw, Vegan, Gluten Free
Serves: 2

  • 1 zucchini
  • ⅓ cup water (85 ml)
  • 2 tbsp lemon juice
  • 1 avocado
  • 4 tbsp pine nuts
  • 1¼ cup basil (30 g)
  • 12 cherry tomatoes


  • You only need 5 ingredients to make the creamy avocado sauce: water, lemon juice, avocado, pine nuts and basil. Feel free to use other nuts instead of the pine nuts or any leafy green instead of the basil (spinach also works).
  • Make the zucchini noodles using a peeler or the Spiralizer.
  • Blend the rest of the ingredients (except the cherry tomatoes) in a blender until smooth.
  • In a large bowl, combine noodles, avocado sauce and cherry tomatoes.
Check the link about for more detailed instructions!

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Tuesday - I cheated and paid dearly. #Paleo Stories

There are so many words that come to mind that can describe my experience on Tuesday.

Here are some:

  • ·         Ironic
  • ·         Retribution
  • ·         'Pay back'
  • ·         Comeuppance
  • ·         Compensation
  • ·         Punishment
  • ·         Reckoning
  • ·         Reprisal
  • ·         Retaliation
  • ·         Revenge
  • ·         Vengeance
  • ·         Repayment
  • ·         Avengement
  • ·         Just desserts

(You're just going to have to deal with the double bullets because I have no patience to delete them all by hand and start again.)

To preface - I have no idea if this is a direct correlation TO cheating, or a sick twisted coincidence.

Like I said I was exhausted from Mon because of the stress of my car stuff and just leftover from the weekend and I didn’t sleep amazing. I was tired. All I wanted was a Tim Horton’s tea with milk. I thought, “there is no way a teaspoon of milk will do anything – I don’t even feel any different so what’s the point!?”.

Then there I was in line ordering the tea (with milk) when I saw my old manager in line behind me who reads this blog (hi John). I think I said something like “don’t tell anyone”. I went back to my desk and drank maybe half the tea (was a Medium) because I got busy and it got cold and I forgot about it. I felt pretty good about it and thought I could maybe start introducing dairy slowly back in.

Fast forward to lunch as because I am me, I am starving.

As I mentioned, because I didn’t make lunch this week I needed to buy lunch. My team wanted to go to this place I’ve been before called Sandwich Box (You can google health violations in any place here) where I couldn’t eat bread or cheese but instead got what I refer to as a green salad.

Here were the contents of said salad:
  • ·         Pieces of tuna fillet (not canned)
  • ·         Cucumbers
  • ·         Chick peas
  • ·         Green beans
  • ·         Peas
  • ·         Avocado
  • ·         Kale
  • ·         Cherry tomatoes
  • ·         Pumpkin seeds
  • ·         Balsamic vinaigrette

Came back to the office around 12:45-1pm. This salad was pretty large, and I was eating it for like 30m.

Around 1:45pm I started to feel weird. You know that feeling where you raise your head from what you’re doing and stare into space and think “wait, do I feel good?” I couldn’t decide if I was just having indigestion or if I was feeling quasi-nauseous.

Well at 2pm I figured out that, yes, I was in fact feeling 100% nauseous, and had this weird pain in my stomach like my guts hurt, or were twisted or something strange. It wasn’t just the feeling like I may throw up, but actual stomach pain which made it even more unbearable. I sat at my desk for about 10 minutes until I thought “Oh my god, I think I may actually throw up.”

I went to the bathroom, and sadly there are no ‘lounge’ areas in this bathroom (normally there is a couch or a chair in the ‘bathroom foyer’ that has a door to the stalls. So I went into the handicap stall and just sat there for a few minutes so I could rest my head in my hands without everyone asking me what’s wrong.

I’m in there for now for about 15 minutes, getting worse to the power every minute. I felt like I had to throw up but I couldn’t. So I was sweating and pale and looked like I was a vampire that stepped out of the Maid of the Mist ride. At this point I knew something was not right. I couldn’t hide in the bathroom anymore, because people were coming in and out of the bathroom thinking they were alone and let me tell you, women that think they’re alone in the bathroom is a whole story in itself. I heard things I shouldn’t have heard.

I went back to my desk, and told my team I felt ill, I took a Gravol from someone and was going to wait it out at my desk. Meanwhile this whole time I couldn’t move very well because every time I moved I thought I would throw up. And the pain in my gut was getting progressively worse. All I wanted to do was lie on the floor or lay somewhere.

Then I overheard someone talking about food, and my manager looked at me and asked if I was ok, and I said “nope” and I had to semi-run/briskly walk to the bathroom where I barely made it before what I can only describe as foaming green algae came right out of my mouth. Everything was green. It was gross. I’m sorry I am even telling you this. I didn’t even have time to close the stall that’s how close it was. I physically had to have my hand over my mouth while I walked into the bathroom. It was like the scene in ‘Stand By Me’ but just me.

Anyway I went home at 3, got home about 3:45pm and passed out until after 6pm. I felt much better but still groggy and unsettled.

I have no idea what happened, it was only once, and it never came back. Was it the milk? Was I being punished or cheating? I have no idea. Was it the fact I had so many green items in my salad? I don’t even know.

Anyway I won’t be cheating again until I’m alone at home with a bucket just in case.

Monday, November 2, 2015

One Week in - You'll never guess THIS happened

You fell for that clickbait you - I'm that asshole. I'm sorry.

Ok so as I told you, my Sunday / Monday was rough. I was frazzled and tired and rushed.

When I got home Monday I barely ate and just kind of fell asleep after some chicken and sweet potato.

So I get to work and am exhausted. Physically, emotionally, I was drained. I also had marked one week of my diet on Monday.

Until now my cravings were manageable (not including the pizza fiasco on Friday). In all honestly I thought I would be craving more. This is possibly because I ate a shit-ton (that could be a metric measurement) of M&Ms. I can't remember if I already told you the story of the M&Ms... I'll recount it anyway.

So my friend is in the states for work and texts me "Hey I'm coming back to Toronto, do you want me to bring you anything?" And I said "bring me back something fat people would like." Looking back now, I realize this is not the nicest thing I could have said, nor was it the most PC. I get back 3 bags of M&Ms. 

Wait I think I told this story already on Friday. Ok, moral of the story I have too many M&Ms and I was eating them all weekend. I convinced myself that chocolate is fine because of the minute amount of "dairy" in it. If it's not refrigerated then I don't count it as dairy.

So it's possible my cravings for at least chocolate/sweets were curved by doing this.

I should give an update now that I've already rambled and digressed and you're a captive audience:

I feel absolutely zero difference. I have cut back on candy/sugar probably 80%, completely cut out potato, rice, dairy (save for about a half a bag of M&Ms), and all wheat.

No results, not even weight loss. Which let me tell you is super, super, super discouraging that not only is my main sinusitis still active and as abhorrent as ever, but I don't even get a bonus side effect of weight loss?!

In fact, I've gained a pound in 7 days after fluctuating a pound here and there. They told me not to look at the scale daily and I did. This is the price I pay. tears into my disgusting diet breakfast.

After my car ordeal and I was back in Toronto, I stopped at Bulk Barn (bulk candy, seeds, kitchen grains, powders, dried foods etc. It's a Canadian gem) and got a bunch of things to make my life more bearable and less dramatic.

These things included:

  • Arrowroot powder
    • I'm assuming I can make those baby cookies but I didn't look into it extensively as you can tell. I think I just assuming this was wheat free. I don't even think I looked. Let me check. Ok just checked - it's actually what/gluten free made from a root and is wheat free.
  • Chocolate/pain whey protein
    • I realize I can't have this until my diet is over
  • Buckwheat flour/pancake mix
    • It's one of the only Gluten-free Grains I can have. It's gluten free since it's from a different botanical family than normal wheat. It's pretty popular wheat-alternative for pancakes and things
  • Couscous 
    • This is the only normal 'grain' I can have, and have no idea how to cook it or what to eat with it. Is it a grain? Is it a small pasta? I don't even know.
So I made Buckwheat pancakes and you know what...... They weren't bad. they weren't quite the same as flour but the texture was pretty close, minus the more whole wheat/brown wheat look to them. Honestly, with some syrup and margarine they were pretty good.

Sunday, November 1, 2015

I conquered The Mandarin

So I figure I will chunk up my updates from the past few days, I'm late, I get it, but wait until you hear all the dramz. (Attaching my blood test food results for reference and FYI)

So Sunday - My mother's bday. She loves Chinese food and wanted to go to the Mandarin. She knows I'm on this diet and I told her I can't eat anything there, and it's a buffet so not fair at all. She agreed.

So we compromised and went to the Mandarin.

Aside from spending like $600 this day (I bought these which I'm dying over), I got home and got my winter tires switched over. In Canada if you own a car you have to own winter tires (all season is not winter).

Fast Forward to the Mandarin. I never felt worse about myself in my life. I walked by spring rolls. SPRING ROLLS! My favourite roll. Basically everything is breaded or battered or pasteried. I wish I took a picture but my entire plate was meat and veggies. Worst buffet experience ever.

You should have seen me slinking to the dessert table and leaving empty handed. It was really sad, in the same type of way you go to wave to someone and they don't see you but everyone else does so you pretend to run your hand through your hair.

I did not cheat. Not ONCE! I haven't had bread in a week.

So unrelated, but I'm driving home and my car starts to shake violently as soon as I get on the highway. "What the actual fuck" I say aloud, numerous times. It felt like a giant was jackrabbiting my car. I had to pull over and call my pere.

"PERE! My car is undrivable, I'm on the side of the highway like an idiot (10:30pm)." Eventually I'm told to come back to my parents and stay the night to take my car to Toyota in the AM first thing and hope I can get in. 

I'm driving 80 on the highway, with visions of tires flying off my car. I joke now, but I was actually terrified my tires would fly off. I get home - no makeup (this upset me), no clothes, no toothbrushes or makeup remover or anything, no hair stuff. I am literally a vagrant.

I raid my poor mums bathroom cupboards and steal what I can. I then sleep on a mattress on bare wooden floorboards since my parents are replacing the carpet. I was just missing the bindle and the flaming oil barrel fire.

Anyway I stay over and try to use my mum's basic makeup to try to not look like an actual homeless person. But I digress. 

Took my car in, they figured out there were backwards lugnuts - got that fixed. Keep in mind I'm missing my job today - I had to work but had to work remote to take care of the car stuff. So I'm stressed, and frazzled, and hungry since my parents don't have anything I can eat. So all morning / afternoon I'm waiting for my car and the only thing I could have was an apple.

So I drive home and decide I am way too exhausted to cook or prepare lunches and think "I'm going to regret this tomorrow." .... little did I know I was right...