Sunday, October 25, 2015


I highly recommend a mandolin (slicer). I sliced a ton of cucumber in probably less than 4 minutes. It's my favourite kitchen tool.

I also got a bunch of recommended supplements including vitamin d, probiotic, and iron. I just have to look up what times are best for them all because apparently some are better in the AM without food etc. So to try to minimize the upset tummy, I will need to look more it this before I take them. But look at the pill case! I'm basically a grandma.
I'm excited the sweet potato is actually cooked after an hour and a half
Seriously. Mandolin. Get one Immediately. 
Potato for days. ... Actual days, like a weeks worth.
Buffalo chicken and lettuce for the rest of my life. Also featuring a bunch of things you didn't need to see.
I'll be yelling 'Get off my lawn' in no time.

I'm exhausted from prepping

Ok I went all over today to grab food. Three different places.

I also bought a legit scale so I can weigh myself and figure out if the fat I own is from the grains, eggs, and milk playing with my digestive tract, or if is in fact from chips, beer, and candy. The fact I'm asking myself this question reaffirms I am in fact not an adult by any stretch of the imagination and just a large child who is legally allowed to go to the bulk barn with a credit card by herself and drink beer.

(I will start to weigh myself each day and measure my fattest parts and let you know what they are because I must be a masochist or whatever. Don't judge me.)

I got home at abut 5. I've been sous-cheffing, cutting, washing and organizing food for almost 4 hours for the week. What the actual fuck are people thinking when they live like this?!?!

I figure I needed at least lunches out of the way so I'd make 5 chicken breasts and a bunch of sausages incase I wanted yo change things up but I basically made a huge mistake. Now I am tired and he all this shit on the stove.

Ok fast forward to almost 9pm:

-I have cooked and cut up 5 chicken breasts and placed them into Tupperware.
-I have 5 sausages on the frying pan.
-I have 5 sweet potatoes in the over which I stupidly put them all in at the same time thinking that was fine. It isn't and the potatos (potatoes? Why is my auto correct telling me both are right?) are still all as hard as (insert perverted hilarious reference of your choice).

I still have to cut up and wash all bunch of fucking lettuce unless I want to eat just chicken which at this point I'm just too tired to care about cooking.

So if i don't fuck it up I should have chicken and salad with sweet potato. I will probably still have to cut up a bunch of cucumber too since I bought like a god damned field of cucumber. Like my main source of currency s now cucumber and I'm putting the down payment on a house. That's how much fucking cucumber I have.

Do I need anything else? I have no idea. I will need to starve it out tomorrow if there's an issue.

Ok I have to but out my fancy mandolin to slice up veggies. Already I hate this. It's way too much work for my lifestyle which is mediocre in terms of difficulty level. Like if my life was a video game it would be on story mode, with random instances of nightmare sprinkled in (nightmare meaning I couldn't carry all my groceries up to my apartment in one trip so now I have to take too. Let me jump out this window).

Editors note:
I should have put the sausage in the over what the hell was I thinking this is absolute ridiculousness.

As you can tell I am a natural chef and everyone should invite me places to cook for them. Hope you like cucumber.

Today's starting weight: 125lbs (which can I note is a lifetime high)

Thighs: 21.5"
Gut: 34" (good fucking lord)
Waist: 27.5"

Today I prepare

I've been collection recipes and meal suggestions for the past few days and today I'm going to go through them all and choose my meal plan (or mae a valiant effort to do so).

I've noticed while researching, that the diet Paleo is very similar to the elimination diet I'm doing. Granted my individual sensitivities vary (I specifically cannot consume potato for example, while normal Paleo I believe can), but I'm finding it's easier to find information while searching Paleo diets. A main difference is in the Paleo diet they can eat eggs, whilst I absolutely cannot, since my individual egg "score" was the highest one.

I'm a tad nervous to just cut everything cold turkey - I get headaches often and I can't imagine them getting worse while I cut out chocolate and caffeine and bread etc. I also as I mentioned before get inexplicable cravings that do not disappear. It seems it takes that exactly taste or good to satiate cravings so I'm worried if i have urges for chocolate it will just build up until I turn into some sort of Chocolate Hulk.

I'm also worried in a pinch if I forget lunch or don't plan well on a specific day then there will be no options for me to grab. The cafeteria at work is new and isn't the best at labeling ingredients or dietary information,  such as dairy or wheat. Worst case scenario there's as No Frills by the office and I can run it and grab something if I need.

I also eat a lot so snacks are a tad worrisome too. There's only so many carrot sticks a sane woman can consume without eventually throwing them out the balcony door screaming incoherently.

Stay tuned for my progress on my first day tomorrow. I also have to be in the office to present at 8:45am (god help me) so that will set things on an interesting path I'm sure.