Tuesday, October 27, 2015

I need to eat more sausage (on my #paleo diet)

I was starving all day despite my abhorrent amount of food.

I ate sausages for dinner and I guess the extra animal fat or protein did the trick. I'm no hungry at all and I only had two.

I think maybe I'll stick to more meats. I'm going to make bacon tomorrow because now I'm in a bit of a meat coma.

A good thing I noticed is that I didn't get an afternoon lull/drag/blahs again today. But I am drink much more water wth lemon and Chia seeds (which I am loving btw).

I need to find a better snack for the day and something sweet I can have when I get cravings.

This afternoon I actually thought several times about getting off the bandwagon and try to cut out food groups for a week or two at a time. But I figure I'll just get it over with and do it all.

Fuck it.

Go big or go home, am I right?

First Day Recap - I am unbelievably ANGRY for no reason

So yesterday (Mon Oct 26) was my first full day doing the Paleo/Hypoallergenic/Autoimmune (whatever the hell it is now - some Frankenstein's Monster of carbless, funless, less satisfying food).

Let me tell you - I'm hungry. Hangry even. And weak.

So yesterday I did well all day, I drank a ton of water with Chia seeds and lemon which apparently is supposed to suppress your appetite (LIARS). I brought my lunch (since I made the entire weeks’ worth on Sunday, remember?) so that was fine – I actually didn’t spend money all day which was weird/nice.

Although I knew it would happen, I wasn’t prepared physically for what I like to refer to as the ‘food hole’ – a black hole stomach that apparently is never full since you’re not getting full from carbs/bread/etc. And I had a LOT of chicken, and veggies. But as I found out the portions you’re use to have changed – no longer will one chicken breast and a salad do me an entire meal. I had it for lunch and thought I would succumb to asking for bites of my neighbour’s sandwich or taking nibbles when they weren’t looking.

I drank more water in the afternoon and the only positive so far has been my afternoon crash or ‘lull’ was gone. This could have been a coincidence, or the fact I was drinking more water, or the fact I had no carbs (which if nothing else will dramatically change the way I eat for the next few weeks).

I got home and was semi-ok hunger-wise, but then after an hour I was starving again, like I hasn’t eaten in days. I looked in my fridge and just… fucking chicken as far as the eye could see. I didn’t want chicken; I hated chicken at that moment. Chicken was my nemesis, chicken kicked my dog, and chicken stole my lunch money. I did not even want to look at it. I had half a sweet potato and 3 filets of fish (they were small/average size) and broccoli and cauliflower. 15 min later? STARVING. I made fruit tea thinking that would quench my thirst for a new taste/any taste. NOPE, Chuck Testa. Was not accurate, and my eyes started to wander.

 In the mail I received a small 20g sample pouch of Brookside chocolate covered Acai berries. Even though I can technically have dark chocolate, I was like no way, José. But I yes wayed, José and ate the bag (7 pieces – not much) after a few texts from my friend “DON’T DO IT” and some internal struggle. I don’t really consider it cheating because I was always allowed chocolate, but the minute amount of milk in dark chocolate I ended up deciding was worth it. Is that cheating? I think not. Anyway I convinced myself that I won’t do it again, however, Halloween is here and what the fuck am I going to do, send help.

Anyway, I went to bed hungry like some kid in Oliver Twist and work up really weak. I’m obviously not eating enough calories or fats. So I will try maybe to grab some breakfast sausage and bacon and do that in the mornings so at least I have more protein.

As I type this I’m hungry and mad. For no reason other than I am a fat petulant child and I want more food. I just have no idea what I can eat that will actually FILL me like carbs would. And I also realize that eating the same boring thing every day will actually, physically drive me insane. This is my second day eating chicken and salad and I already HATE my lunch and I haven’t even eaten it. I can’t even have eggs. I’m like a rollercoaster of anger and calm. I’m getting emails I am internally screaming at for no reason other than they’re probably on the other end eating a breakfast sandwich and having beer (in my mind that’s what I would be doing at 11am).

I also weighed myself last night and GAINED ONE POUND. I’m assuming the one pound is either from all the water or all the HATRED I have now. You don’t understand how badly I want to eat a bagel. Like if someone offered me the choice between $100 and a bagel that wouldn’t count against my diet I may just take the bagel. Like 89% sure.

Here are some drawbacks I’m experiencing:
  • Overwhelming hunger
  • Cravings are there, but not terrible (yet)
  •  Gnawing feeling in my gut like maybe I don’t feel good but I can’t tell
  •  Waves of anger because I can't eat. Like actual anger.
  •  Weakness/ slight light headedness

Maybe I need some protein powder or something. Or a bagel. I almost want to just binge and start again tomorrow. So badly.